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Bittersweet

by Jamie Paige

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bappykittypaws
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bappykittypaws The lyricism in this album is utterly unmatched. Every song pulls at the heart in a way so raw and so targeted that feels like nothing I've ever listened to. Ballroom makes me cry every time I listen to it. It's beautiful. Favorite track: Ballroom (feat. Marcy Nabors).
penultimateApogee
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penultimateApogee i once said that jamie paige's whole discography "feels like one big concept album, except the concept is just 'what if love was real?'." bittersweet was my first taste, and bittersweet as it was, it got me through a pretty bad time; i hesitate *not* to say that it changed my life. from the bottom of my heart: thank you. Favorite track: Close (feat. Bluffy & Mattmatatt).
MxAshlynn
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MxAshlynn What an awesome album!
The variety, the hooks, the beats, the vocals ~~ Jamie just keeps getting better and better! 🎼🎹🎶 Favorite track: Paisley Patterns.
more... more...
/
1.
Second Hello 01:47
i say hello to you again my near and dearest friend we watch the weather come and go (but my heart won't play pretend) am i the person you expect? maybe no and maybe yes the answer seems some in-between (or multiplicitous) i say hello to you again my old and newest friend like autumn, winter, into spring (my heart will make amends) so we might sound a little different or like we never even left, yeah we could stay the same or embrace the change but we're better off this way!
2.
Gentle Heart 03:56
i sat out in the rain to soothe my racing brain but anxiety comes through when i begin to think of you oh i study where i am to try and ground myself again but i am led astray distracted by the rain oh my gentle heart beats for you and all i can hear rings so true but my gentle heart is pained to see my darkest fears, my jealousy so my gentle heart trusts in you that you might know what to do i talk to you again we talk about our friends and everything that we’re built on how when i'm down, it seems far gone and that feeling comes again that doubt for everything i am it's easier with you but it’s so hard for me to trust the truth oh my gentle heart beats for you and all i can hear rings so true but my gentle heart is pained to see all of the shadows inside of me so my gentle heart breaks in two when i think of losing you i'm sprawled out in the rain my energy is drained and anxiety comes through to tell me that my fear is true it's roaring at my back the pain of everything i lack but i don't think its true ill trust that you can love me too
3.
i feel a feeling indescribable my head is spinning like a bicycle wheel (and the words come flooding into my ears) but my mind is stolen right from under me i'm overcome with every feeling for you (yet my voice is just content to stay clear) i love you, adore you i hope that doesn't bore you i want you, i need you oh god i want to speak but- but- b- bleh but it's so hard to say the things that i'm thinking like steel in water i'm sinking (too many to say) i babble in wordless form getting lost in the feeling when i see you beaming the things around me lose meaning (asemic and grey) and jupiter's endless storm just a stain on the ceiling and i'm inconsolable there's no more words to be spoken (just melting letters in fantastical forms) like the spill of the milky way all my words come out broken and i don't even know what they should mean (all my feelings unseen) i say a phrase unrecognizable my sense is stolen by some sly little thief (i just hope that you somehow get what i mean) my heart, it beats so fast (and it shatters like its glass) do you know who the beat breaks for? just chasing around a sunbeam (reflected off my phone screen) ill take what i can get, no more i love you so dearly but i can't say it clearly i stammer for hours and- and- and- um 'cause its so hard to say the things that i'm feeling a fish out of water, i'm reeling (too many to say) my head flies to meet the clouds watch it bounce off the ceiling my greeting is nonsense i talk in pictures, no content (asemic and grey) i'm hopelessly beyond my means so far out of the context i'm purely emotional my love conveyed in the worst way (just melting letters in fantastical forms) laid prostrate beside myself and the words that i should say but i can't move my mouth to match my heart (they work so far apart) i move so fast but end up where i start (less than all of my parts) but if you navigate it maybe you can validate it and we can call these abstract works of art (drawn right onto my heart) and if i bridge the gap from thought to speech (find the words that i need) then i could tell you what you mean to me
4.
"don't you wanna feel seen? don't you wanna be heard? you can be complete in a single word" that's the thing they say, that's the point of view in a single word, that is all of you but ain't it plain to see that it's all for show just a snide appeal to the status quo you can be much more than a catchy tune but if it don't sell well, they don't want that 'you' so is it worth it in the end to close your eyes and make pretend that you can find your satisfaction in a brand? i wanna be nothing with you a thing that cant be viewed no careful meaningful design not easily reduced we'll be an idea, not the truth not something you can prove subliminal, invisible unthinkable anew i wanna be nothing with you and make the world confused no holding up to scrutiny impossibly obtuse and maybe folk will call us mistaken try to fit us into a station but i'd rather be a phantom than a fucking target group maybe you're convinced that it's really true and the man up top really does see you but it all falls flat experientially capital don't care unless it means money but is it worth it in the end to close our eyes and make pretend our love's a thing that they could ever understand? why don't you be nothing with me? a gentle force unseen so ultraviolet, infrared we live beyond belief unstring all the ties and guarantees to be with everything we'll write the words our stories tell and take them underwing so come and be nothing with me all red and gold and green our peace of mind is undefined empyrean, obscene and maybe folk will try to define us through some definition divide us but they'll never truly hide us if they don't know what we mean we'll be nothing in the end a form that no one comprehends but i am real and you're real and we're something real again and so it's worth it in the end to close our eyes, and to transcend we do our best to dodge the real and play pretend
5.
you think that you've got it all but you don't know the half of it you're a lizard sat atop a rock and you don't even know the size of it there's a feeling setting fires in your chest and though you always shoot then let another ask the rest maybe you should stop ignoring what you've known for all this time your stalwart soul is begging you to open wide, set alight paisley patterns adorn her soul a pink wallpaper on a cabinet door throw wide those gates let the feeling pass make a true protector from a heart of glass you might say the sword and shield has never suited you but who would hold it stronger and more passionate than you? a love that burns aflame like nothing else i've ever seen the fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean you think she's a know-it-all she thinks you're... a lot of things but you can make her spirit sing and she'll make sure your heart will thaw (she says) "love will conquer all of you and all of me" and being by her side, well, you cant help it but believe she's a timid little presence with a fire in her eyes and your reflection sits inside, catalyzed and set alight paisley patterns adorn her soul a teardrop painted on a maple board one gentle ekho of a long-lost past let her put some color in a heart of glass you might think shes held up by some long-forgotten ways but maybe there is value in the things she has to say a love to keep a family tied together evergreen the fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean paisley pudge, its a simple phrase but its a title with a lot of weight my little darling in a hand-built world an inspiration to a lonely girl you will never know the kinds of things you mean to me but isn't that the beauty of a character, you think? a love that's unconditional and just for you and me the fuel to keep a gentle heart burning clean and running like a lean machine, so pristine and though the words are failing me, incomplete we'll call it what it wants to be - bittersweet
6.
Gummyworm 04:47
silent and lugubrious, i wander down the hall time gets wasted here, i think i've lost it all you masqueraded as the one to save my soul but now i know; a sublingual dose sugary sweet like candy rotting my teeth and memory annihilating my purpose now i've melted in your mouth biting my tongue for answers sucking that sweet for hours fucking my head up proper now my stomach hurts oh gummyworm oh gummyworm oh gummyworm, do i make you squirm? i sent my soul somewhere far away oh gummyworm oh gummyworm oh gummyworm, does the memory hurt? i lost my mind, now i’m in a daze (oh, i forgot the words) as i stumble through the door mind is racing still; it leaves me wanting more you fogged my vision up, now everything's obscured you go to work; my god, it hurts absolute awful shithead trusting the things that you said eroding my sense of comfort i am falling faster now saccharine empty fleeting colorful words with no meaning stuffing my face with sugar crashing straight into the ground oh gummyworm oh gummyworm oh gummyworm, do i make you squirm? i sent my soul somewhere far away oh gummyworm oh gummyworm oh gummyworm, does the memory hurt? i lost my mind, now i’m in a daze
7.
"there's a fire burning within me" (enough to set a mind alight) "keeps me safe from what hurts me" that's why it started but there's burns on my heart now all cauterized and scarred up (doesn't do much more than hurt us) and i still fight as much as i'm able (held up by a greatsword) but that can't hide all the pain felt i'm a stalwart soldier kept warm by a fire it can burn so gentle (so why is it painful?) you can be so gentle when i get done fighting maybe i'm a lover not a soldier struggling you're my shield, loyal light a gentle warmth in the blackest night i'm your charge, you're my guard so ill just stay right by your side i forget myself sometimes when i'm lost then you remind i am your sword, hold me tight keep me safe right by your side (if i'm playing with fire i'm bound to get burned) but i know there's more than the surface i can learn to love you and you'll burn to fuel me (there's more to the flame than the pain come and be my blaze) and we'll keep to the paths you light up (like candles to guide me) so much fighting before us but the thing with fire there's a lot its good for destruction and healing (or forging a greatsword) i'm a weapon of passion that's held with intention and you are the wielder of tempered emotion you're my moon, loyal light you orbit 'round and pull my tides i reach out towards the skies so i can stay right by your side i forget my worth sometimes but i was forged in love as fire i am your sword, hold me tight keep me safe right by your side there's a fire aflame in my heart that'll never burn away feeling and passion, the ardor of comfort and pain it would kill if i tried to deny or to live off of the blaze so i dance in-between with the pyre to forge my blade
8.
Ally 03:21
thought that my pride was on the mend before it shattered i'd like to think that i'd fix it on my own but that's the matter 'cause i'd go and throw it all away to save my ego and the empty prize is i get to be alone so what do i know? but when i lose the way you keep me aiming true there's nothing out of view (jump on through over to you!) you're my ally-alli, i will take you in so gladly though the road's been long and winding, i'm so proud to call you family you're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me i'm just making up the hours, how i needed you so badly thought i could make it on my own not even nearly but i'm scared to say that there ain't no other way (but now i see it all so clearly) i am no island, i'm a piece of something bigger and i work the best when your sweet heart gets to rest next to my bitter (oh its so much better this way) so we keep our hands held tight and shoot toward the moon you might catch a glimpse or two (break right through over to you!) you're my ally-alli, i will take you in so gladly though the road's been long and winding, i'm so proud to call you family you're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me i'm just making up the hours, how i needed you so badly you're my ally-alli, i will take you in so gladly i've been hopelessly awaiting what was always right beside me you're my ally, alleyway between the peaks and valleys i'm just making up the hours, how i needed you so badly (jump on through over to you!) keep my head held high green and red so bright illuminate the night (break right through over to you!) you're my ally-alli, i will take you in so gladly i've been waiting all this time to say i needed you so badly you're my ally, olly oxen free to take you with me so its true, there's nothing left to do (jump on through over to you!) you're my ally-alli, i will take you in so gladly i couldn't find myself without you, you just came along and saved me you're my ally, alleyway between the peaks and valleys i'm just making up the hours, how i needed you so badly
9.
"welcome to the fiction we hide here every evening with plenty of exuberance and voices for the voiceless" but if i look out on the floor is there room for anymore? i'm a buzzkill and a bore i'm not the person this is for but i'm tired of civil war my spirit is screaming out for more its all just too much to ignore that i could be something more (we could be something more) the sprawl of the ballroom with the lights down low i know you see my eyes aglow my hand is extended to offer you a dance by chance, would you welcome my romance? and we both know, it's fantasy (but the feeling is real, it's real for you and me) the sprawl of the ballroom (with the lights down low) i'm a grease spill and a bad time so i look around me, see the fault lines every soul here has a problem but when they're together, they are flawless but there's no pretending nothing's wrong! they'll figure it out that i'm a fraud! but i still try to play along 'cause i just want to belong (do i belong?) the sprawl of the ballroom with the lights down low i know you see my eyes aglow my hand is extended to offer you a dance advance, my darling take a chance and we're no kings, you and i (but being together, we're royalty tonight) the sprawl of the ballroom (hold me close) i'm so tired of the fiction (who are we) i get so caught up in the friction (you and me) but it's okay to let it go (we can be so free) and find a comfort in the show (a thing nobody knows) are you a martyr well-deserved or just afraid of what doesn't hurt? my darling, i know it all too well (but we're all pretending to be ourselves) so maybe you're real, maybe fake but your life is always your own to make so lets enjoy it for its own sake! the sprawl of the ballroom with the lights down low i know you see my eyes aglow it's artifice exalted, a foxtrot fantasy you see? don't worry about a thing and we may part in the end (but you can always come back around again) the sprawl of the ballroom and my hands held tight alright, we'll be back another night! welcome to the fiction we hide here every evening with plenty of exuberance and voices for the voiceless
10.
Bittersweet 04:16
oh it’s another day over and i’m left wondering what for i sat and stared at a paper and tried so hard to ignore the thoughts all swirling inside me that say i’m broken, a bore i lead it on with a paper a silent, desolate score i make time for you you make pain for me but i know you're my dream i'll take anything and i mean anything my coffee bean dream, so bittersweet (i want to make a mistake with you) oh seraphim schemes and self esteem (so many things i should say to you) cause oh my god i love you but you tear me apart you're my savior and my devil stab me straight through the heart a plasticine sheen, you're so bittersweet and all i want is to stay with you i’m another day closer to the end of my life it all gets wasted on nothing i watch the flickering light i would kneel for you sat down on my knees you'd just hurt me more hurt me 'till i bleed oh god im desperate to bleed my coffee bean dream, so bittersweet (i want to make a mistake with you) a polyseme scream, such a stupid thing (so many things i should say to you) cause oh my god i love you i can't take anymore but if i'm not creating what the fuck am i for? i burst at the seams, you're so bittersweet (and all i want is to stay with you) it wasn’t always like this i’m just resigned to the pain but does the fight define us or does it waste us away? i am much more than the sum of my work and even without you there’s so much i am worth but i know there's still joy to be found in a song my coffee bean dream, so bittersweet (i want to make something more with you) these scenes stay unseen, that's okay with me (so many things i will share with you) cause oh my god i love you but i’m more than my love and as long as i’m complete alone there's still room for us you'll be my treat, so bittersweet (and all i want is to stay with you)
11.
i look across the distance the bits and bytes between us looking at the time it’d take to drop everything and head that way i melt a hole in my phone screen waiting for reply so intently it’s hard to be present here when my everything is nowhere near separate beings, the want to unite but distance keeps us away desperate pining for tactile connection but it leads me astray take my feelings and knock on the front door but it keeps me away send a message across all the distance praying you’ll find a way (can i still be close to you? can i still get close to you? yeah i can still get close to you and we can keep this feeling true) stay with me oh, rest your weary head we may feel so far away but we can throw that gap away if you’ll just i'll fall asleep and dream here with you, three thousand miles at ten and one a wire-crossed and tangled romance, some voicemail's all i'm askin' for...! (are you gonna pick up? are you there? do you care?) separate feelings, the want to unite, but i can't make it okay and i know you've tried to get closer but i'll still push you away (come closer) pulled away by the distance between us, from a single mistake and although i've tried to get closer it all still keeps me awake (come closer!) stay with me oh, and rest your weary head we may feel so far away but we can throw that gap away if you’ll just stay with me oh, its more than just a dream though its hard for me to say i know you're not so far away if you'll just its so hard for me to trust your heart that you love me even when we're apart but i know its true how could i not believe in you? god the miles are more than i can bear but i have to try if you'll be there and the day i land between your arms darling don't be scared, it ain't that far! JAMIE PAIGE OH, THAT'S MY FUCKING NAME I AM REAL AND I'M OKAY AND I WILL LIVE ANOTHER DAY

about

"welcome to the fiction!
we hide here every evening,
with plenty of exuberance
and voices for the voiceless"

credits

released November 12, 2021

written and recorded by Jamie Paige
mastered by Marcy Nabors
art by Que - twitter.com/REVERIEQUE
featuring:
telebasher - soundcloud.com/telebasher
Marcy Nabors - twitter.com/Shadolith
Bluffy - twitter.com/save_complete
Mattmatatt - twitter.com/mattmatatt

track 6 coproduced by blackwinterwells
track 9 coproduced by Marcy Nabors
vocaloid voice on tracks 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, & 9 provided by GUMI English

for guiding this album's creation, and for their indispensable friendship, I give special thanks to:
marcy, madi, bluffy, que, fionna, alexis, fen, crows, grey, jeremy, samm, rocky, sly, lead, autumn, miranda, birdy, drake, jenna, lunie, sadie, my families both found and born into, paisley pudge, ekho paialthe, kalia vibte, jim boonie only, rock chat, the sorority, reverse despicable me au, borb, the scary lizard league, the puk pit...
and, of course, my dearest darling, honor <3
and paul henderson.
have fun parsing what any of that means!

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Jamie Paige Houston, Texas

saw wave elemental talking in pictures

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